Identity Crisis – Who Am I?
Who Am I? The answer is not easy. We grow into it, struggling to claim our place in the world. The answer comes either from the reality of what we know from the inside, or from what others force upon us or that we surrender to them.
The task of discovering and claiming our own identity is part of human development. Children leave home, abandoning the nurturing structure to both discover and create who they really are and what they want to be. The right of passage of going to college or entering the work force takes you from a land of dependence to new territory with the responsibility of becoming your own self.
Within the Temptation story of Matthew 4 we find Jesus’ working through an identity crisis which of necessity comes before he begins ministry. Matthew’s Gospel puts the temptation story between the baptism story and the beginning of his ministry as he gathers disciples around him. In the baptism story God announces, “This is my beloved Son, I am well pleased with him.” Feel the bursting pride of every parent’s declaration. Look what I’ve created, isn’t he wonderful.
Now comes the time of testing. Who is Jesus and what does it mean that he is the son of God? Will he live up to the potential of being the son of God. The Nicene Church Council (325 AD) declared Jesus is fully God. Historically the church hasn’t had a lot of problem with that. But it also declared Jesus as fully human. That paradox continues to cause a multitude of problems. If we see Jesus as fully God – there is no problem, he simply sails through. Supernatural triumphs natural every time. But if Jesus is fully human, then who he becomes in large measure depends on the circumstances around him, the people he comes in contact with and with his own response to the situations he encounters. Jesus has choices to make in who he will become, just as every human being does. His preparation starts in the 40 days and nights of fasting. It’s not a done deal; it’s a process of time, energy and effort. People don’t walk into that kind of spotlight and expect to succeed without an undergirding support. The 90 day wonders or the 15 minutes of fame experiences crash and burn more often than they succeed.
In the Temptation story, Jesus faces three tests representing three major areas in life everyone deals with. This won’t be the only time Jesus confronts these issues in his life, but they are pivotal times which mark how he will answer them. They set the stage for how he approaches life-long temptations. The essential answers determine who he is. The devil wants that honor. “If you are the son of God” then this is what you should do. This is how you should act. You have the power, so simply use it – turn stone to bread, create yourself so nothing can harm you, set yourself above everyone else. That’s what the devil claims it means to be the Son of God. When we allow others to define us, we can blame them or circumstances we encounter and say that is what makes us who we are. Like Jesus, each individual has a choice in whom and what they will be.
Test #1 – Who Am I? Safety & Security
The first test deals with safety and security in life. The Devil tempts Jesus, “Turn these stones into bread.” Survival comes first. Each person requires basic needs of food, shelter, and security to live. Who can worry about God when you are starving? In the Genesis story of the twins Jacob and Esau (Genesis 25:29-34), Esau willingly gave up his birthright (his right to eldest son inheritance) as a child of God in exchange for soup. “Give me something to eat or I will die” exclaims Esau. Jacob says, “Sell me your birthright and I will give you soup.” “What good is my birth right if I die?” reasons Esau and so Esau foolishly throws away his inheritance as much as Jacob tricks it out of him. At the same time, history shows others who prove there are more important things than merely existing for the sake to exist. A need within each of us for purpose and for meaning runs to our core.
Jesus continues with a rebuttal from scripture, “Instead, live by every word from the mouth of God.” The manna that fed the Israelites in the 40 years of desert wandering came daily by the power of God. When they tried to hoard it, the manna spoiled, it had to be gathered daily; they had to learn to trust. The Lord’s Prayer Jesus taught his disciples doesn’t ask for a guaranteed meal ticket, it asks God to provide bread each day as it comes. Trust, whether in oneself or in God is not something you have once and then never have to have again. It’s a continuing relationship; meaning and purpose come from the mouth of God. Jesus refuses to be defined by the Devil.
Focusing on our fears can trap us into a frozen wasteland in a land of plenty. We have nothing to fear, but fear itself was a declaration from President Roosevelt that came out of a desperate time when life was difficult and hard. When fear drives our actions, faith is left in the dust.
We are made in God’s Image and that core DNA is embedded within us from the inside out. There is a difference between what we want and what we really need. It means we have to go deeper to realize there is more. Our relationship with God challenges us to find the ability to trust and deal with the issues of basic survival. Can I trust there is abundance in the world to supply my needs? Will I hold to faith that I will survive and not be overwhelmed? Can I hold steady in the force of all of life’s confrontations? These are key questions each of us faces in life and how we answer them defines who we are. Jesus chooses to trust and to look to God as being present with us in all our ups and downs.
Test # 2 – Who Am I? Affection/Esteem
Test number two deals with what kind of image I project to the world along with my relationships and care of others. The Devil takes Jesus to the top of the Holy City and dares him to cast himself down trusting God to save him. He heckles him like children taunting one another to perform some act they know they are not supposed to. It’s a game of chicken. Can you stand up and be yourself in the crowd or do you allow the regard of others to navigate your decisions? The devil is testing God and Jesus’ understanding of who God is. We all see God through our own eyes and the God I see is different from the God you see.
The illusion that God will save you no matter what you do, is a false sense of believing that I know what God will do. I understand God, I know how to correctly interpret what God wants. True faith is seen as following what I believe in. It’s a belief in my own superiority.
The devil quotes scripture – how many people say they love God, but condemn what others do and claim if you don’t believe exactly how they believe, then you are not following God. Jesus answers the questions crafted in part from scripture. “Don’t test God,” You can’t make a deal with God, instead let go of your own desire to be God and learn to be the human that you are. Accept yourself.
The Devil quotes Psalm 91, a song declaring the assurance of God’s protection. Reading it I can imagine a full orchestra behind it with trumpets, strings, drums and crashing symbols. As a poetical device, it affirms the belief that God cares for us. The Devil uses it to define God’s care as meaning nothing bad will ever happen to you.
“Don’t test God.” Jesus declares. We want to believe God is on our side. Our anger is not only at the situation, but at who we blame for letting the situation get out of control. In the Garden of Eden (Genesis 3), Eve blames the snake for tempting her to sin and Adam blames God by way of the woman. “God this woman that you gave me” was the cause of Adam’s problem. Not to be confounded by the Devil’s misuse of scripture, Jesus answers reinterpreting the sense of God’s Word. He draws from Deuteronomy 6:16 a passage warning the people of God not to disobey God’s commandments. Moses had reminded them of their relationship with God, which was based on God promising to be their God and that they would be God’s people. The definition of what it means to be God’s people is at stake. God requires diligence in doing what is good and right. He refers to how the people will relate to God, not with how they will get power for themselves.
The problem is not with the object, but our relationship with it. Money is not the problem, our use and dependency on it is. Power is not the problem, what we do to achieve it and keep it is. When we focus not on the object, but on our relationship with it, we realize we are not in control. Will we refuse to allow ourselves a vulnerability that opens us up to God’s possibilities? Can we accept a love that encourages and accepts us no matter what the test reveals? We want to control God by asking for what we think will repair the problem. Many of our prayers are doomed to disappointment when we insist on telling God how to answer them. Why bother to ask, if we have already decided how God should answer?
God is with us whether we are living a life of ease, or whether we count every penny. But the question is how we see God’s presence. When we assume God is with us only when we are doing well and that when we have troubles he has deserted us; that is a faith based on our feelings, not on God’s presence. God promises to be WITH US in our trials, not to take them from us. One of the most beloved and well-known scriptures from Psalm 23 proclaims, “even though I walk through the valley of death, you are with me, your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”
Test #3 Who Am I? Power and Control
The third test deals with power and control. The Devil takes Jesus to the top of the world and says, “I can give it all to you, if you just worship me.” All the splendor and power of the world is for Jesus to take if he only promises obedience to Satan.
Each of us creates boundaries around ourselves to construct a sense of who is in control and who has the power. Some of us hold those borders tight and we don’t like people moving in on our space. Others of us have broad notions and we enjoy surrounding ourselves with people to mix and mingle; to play and work together.
The powers of the world, kingdoms, corporations, military, race and nationality, empires all create rules and we are forced to live by laws that govern us. But even in the midst of those laws, there is an inner truth we are called to. The international courts bring people to justice when persons claim, ‘I was only following orders’. There is a higher law we are called to obey in this world.
Jesus answers this temptation from the heart of scripture. From Deuteronomy 6:13 in the same section he took the answer to his second question, Jesus rebuts Satan declaring, “It’s not about me! Love the Lord your God and serve him only.” All the stuff of the world and the adulation of the crowd is only a limited expression of life. Get the priority right and all else falls into place. “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and its righteousness” and everything else falls into place.
The Fourth Temptation: – Living up to others Expectations
Consider a fourth temptation as a culmination that follows immediately after the first three. In The Gospel of Luke’s account of the temptations, the testing ends, but the devil retreats only temporarily. Jesus comes out of the desert and going to Nazareth declares his message with a passage from the scroll of Isaiah.
“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me to preach Good News to the poor, heal the brokenhearted, announce that the captives shall be released and the blind shall see, that the downtrodden shall be freed from their oppressors, and to proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord.” Luke 4:18, 19
When he publicly proclaims he is the one who fulfills this scripture he announces his identity. But his idea of who he is doesn’t conform to the image the people around him see him as. Jesus grew up with them and they think they know him. That he would declare this unique destiny does not match with what they believe he is. Am I going to be who I believe I am, or will I go along with the expectations of others? Do I let them carve out my identity? We are the sum of our experiences, of our inherited nature and of the nurturing we have from our families. But the whole is greater than just the sum of the parts. Through the grace of God the Spirit of God within transforms who we are into a unique creation, the crown of God’s glory. Only if we dare to travel the journey inward do we live our lives with inner authority and outward through God’s grace.
Conclusion – Answers from Deuteronomy – Back to the Beginning
Later in his ministry Jesus declares the greatest commandment to be. “Love the Lord Your God with all your heart, mind, strength and soul.” (Luke 10:27) It’s the phrase every person in Jesus’ community knew by heart.
When the future frightens us, we often long to return to a time when we felt secure, a time we remember as children. Back to the basics, at its best, returns us to the heart of the matter, the core of what drives us. Unfortunately, going back to the basics too often results in returning to restrictive regulations and laws. The security we experienced as children does not always translate into our ability to create a secure future when we become adults. You can’t return to be born again physically; you can be born again spiritually. It does require new wineskins.
Jesus, like us, struggled through the crucible of becoming his true self. Life is meant to be lived fully and responsibly taking courage and vision to do so. Whether I decide who I am or whether I allow the devil, circumstances or the world to decide for me is crucial to the creation of my true self. I have help in the nurturing community where I was raised, the culture I am steeped in, the good and bad surprises I receive in life, the voices of friends, scripture and my own inner self. All combine to create who I am. But the choices are mine and so is the responsibility.
God commanded Moses to go back to Egypt to deliver the people from Pharaoh. So Moses asked God, “When I talk to the people, they are going to want to know who sent me, so what do I say to them?” God replied, “Tell them I AM sends you.” I am who I am. Think about that for a moment. I am who I am. Too often we are tempted to become someone else we may not even recognize. We do things we don’t want to do; we deny our own beliefs and upbringing disappointing not only others, but ourselves. It’s hard to be who we are. You don’t so much create your true self out of nothing as much as you discover and uncover yourself from the inside out as you live through life’s experiences. The greatest spiritual achievement possible is to be who you are; who you were created to be: a child of God.
This is my son, in whom I am well pleased was God’s declaration given before the temptations. Jesus had everything he needed to go into the desert. And so do you and I; everything we need is already within us. The living of life means discovering the person within and bringing ourselves forth. The desert is not a pleasant place, but if we dare to go there, we can dare to become and acknowledge our own true selves.
The temptation of living up to the expectations of others, whether good or bad expectations, like the other three, challenges Jesus throughout his life along the way to Jerusalem. We don’t get to deal with who we are once and then put it on a shelf. We continually work it out through the experiences of our lives. Paul exhorts us to continue to work out our salvation, to continually live in a relationship of trust with God. Through the temptation story, Jesus gives us examples of what tempts us, but each of us lives through our own version. As we become who we are, we can meet the challenges of life from the center of our strength with the grade of God.
Test number 1: To what lengths will we go for safety and security?
Test number 2: Who will we believe in? Who do we follow and what/who do we worship?
Test number 3: How far will we go to gain power and control of our lives?
The northwest costal Native Americans have a legend concerning the raven. In the dark of night, the white bird flew to capture the sun and bring it back so that we could all have light. In the course of the journey, the bird was scorched and turned to a midnight black we recognize today. The process of becoming our true selves is a noble but dangerous, demanding feat. It cannot be done without leaving its mark on us, but it can be done.
End
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